Samhain went well for me. I woke, with a memory of an heirloom, a Christmas ornament from my grandmother's travels, before she passed away.
In my quest to get it back. I have recieved promises, of other returned items, what I can only hope was an actual heartfelt apology, and the hope that my lost/stolen puppy may be returned to me.
If only I were capable of having faith in the words of someone who spends so much of his life telling lies. If only I could be fooled, one more time. I am trying hard not to get my hopes up. I nearly cried at even the thought that I sould see my puppy again. Who is not so much a puppy anymore, she will be a year old in January.
This is significant, I believe, because my grandmother, was a great animal lover. Dogs especially. She had many. She was partial to poodles, through most of my life time. It was the dream, of her Christmas ornamant, that lead me back to my poodle. I have hope that she is on my side in this. That she maybe helping to reunite me with my puppy.
I just woke from another interesting dream. This one I liked a lot more than having my car stolen, and arguing with my dead family.
This one, I was in a contest with several other women. I felt like they were classmates of a sort. We were all competing to earn a grant/internship at this graphic designing firm. The focus of the competition was pinup art. There were several smaller challenges, in eash they weeded more of us out. The first one we could submit as many sketches as we wanted into a big pile on the table, and they would just pick ones they liked. I remember feeling my heart race in the dream as they pulled one of mine out. The next challenge that stuck out to me, is they gave us other peoples drawings, minimal art supplies, and only a few minutes to recreate the image in our own style. The last challenge was an out and out pinup. I don't know why I chose to paint it, as I am not a good painter. It was judged by a very happy talking and somewhat round woman, and two pretty obviously gay, and equally round men. One who continuously pointed out that he was the last winner. Anyhow, I somehow won, even though what I made in my dream looked like crap to me, and somehow in the end turned into a sculpture rather than a painting. (I did like the sculpture though) So in dreamland I have a job working for a design firm. Go Dream Me, Go!
In other dream news, one of my friends who I recently got back into contact with had a dream about me and my ex as well. She dreamed that she was walking by a store window, and he was inside, he noticed her and ran out to grab her. He started choking her. That is when she noticed her reflection in the store window. She was me. She said then, that she became more of a third party observer, as he calmly walked away, leaving me dead on the sidewalk.
I'm sure the dream/ex connections lately are mostly mental reverb from a lot of other stuff that has been going on lately. Everyone who knows/knew him, should just stop talking about him. Maybe he will vanish all together. Maybe he is some negative entity, created from the nightmares of real humans. If we stop dreaming him, he will stop being. Just a thought/hope. lol
So my family is celebrating Samhain early this year, and a little bit dysfunctionally. (I might add) But hey, what else is new.
My dearly departed relatives, and quite a few I did not recognize gave me a dream last night. And per family tradition, it both confused the hell out of me, and pissed me off. So if anyone has any dream interpretation skills, I would appreciate it. I am faily good with others dreams, but mine confuse me to the core.
THE DREAM
The dream started with what I imagine was one of our "end" battles, between me and my ex. Somehow without my noticing he stole the title for my car out of the glove box. (which I don't actually keep it there) he told me that it was his car now, not mine, and he was going to sell it. Aso in the argument he came to posess my only key to the car. So I took my cell phone and sat in my car, and pretty much locked myself in, because that was the only way I could think to "keep" it at this point.
I called the police to report this. Somehow I reached the homicide detectives line instead. I apologised, and while I was being re-directed a large white police "truck" pulled up. It looked like a tow truck to me, so my first thought was that my ex had called first, likely claiming I was the car theif. I got out of my car and started talking to the officer, "that was fast" I said to him. He then pointed out an accident in the road in front of my house. He had no idea why I wanted him there. The accident was a dark blue van, and a black larger vehicle. There wasn't much damage to see, but the van was spun around sideways in the street.
I explained my story to him, and he decided to help me instead. I said "good, because I am about to strangle someone, and I really don't want that to be the reason you are here". The officer then asked me, "Is that yours?" pointing to a black new model jeep parked next to my car. I instinctivly said "no, it's his other girlfriends'" and laughed. The officer laughed too.
The dream cut to me inside the house. I was screen printing bullitens on myspace where my ex had been listing my car for sale, and printing them out to show the police. I remember feeling like the cop was in the kitchen with my ex, and the "other women", talking to them. I don't remember really seeing her, just knowing she was a heavier set blonde. Who kind of looked like his ex roommate from when I first met him.
The dream cut again, to a large family gathering. It looked a lot like the lunchin we had after my Grandfathers' funeral. Like with all family events, I did not know who half of the people there were, but I knew they were family. Pretty much everyone I could think of was there, both living and dead. My situation seemed to be the topic of discussion at all of the tables.
I remember my Step dad, and brother and a few of my more close relatives at one table. At some point my ex walked in, and he was quickly shoved down into a chair, where my dad and brother hovered on either side of him, arms folded across their chests. It looked like a sceen from a mafia flick.
Also at some point I was standing at another table where my Great Grandmother (dead) , my Great Uncle (alive) and Great Aunt (dead) sat. I was arguing with my Grandma. (Which, never would have happened in real life) She was siding with my ex, claiming that she had given him permission to keep MY car. She said she had the right to do that, because the car was hers too, because she had a key. (there is only one key in existance for my car at current) I remember arguing, "But grandma, I have keys to [listing various family members] houses, so that must mean I own like six houses, right?" trying to make her see the error in her judgement.
She was not seeing my point. I remember feeling like I wanted to hit her. But I didn't. Then I woke up...
Weird, I know. I get the feeling it means something though, and something important. My family doesn't communicate a lot. So for them to reach out to me, it's significant. Also, I haven't had a dream with my great grandmother in it in over seven years. (the last one she appeared to me dressed as the virgin mary, which would only mean something if you knew my grandmother, lol)
I welcome any and all interpretations, and/or advice. I m seriously concidering some spirit contacting now. But I must admit, I only know the "wrong ways" of doing it.
Fine -- This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
Five Minutes -- If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
Nothing -- This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in "fine".
Go Ahead -- This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
Loud Sigh -- This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about "nothing".
That's Okay -- This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
Thanks -- A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.
Whatever -- Is a women's way of saying F@!K YOU!
Don't worry about it, I got it -- Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to back to "nothing".
No sense in reposting the same thing over and over. But I want this out there, to be found.
My goal isn't to harm anyone. That is why there are no names mentioned. I just hope it helps someone. Someone who maybe doesn't fully realize they are in an abusive relationship. Or maybe they didn't see the links, like me. Or maybe, someone knows me, and knows the person I speak of, and this could be their warning. The warning, I never got.
